bwah...

listening to the song- River flows in you by Yiruma.
learning katakana.
daydreaming.


I feel so down. Hesitation inside me grows. im trying not to think of it. but just seeing them and all the things around me, they made me feel so bad for myself.

i should let them go. but it hurts, so badly.
it's not a thing that can be described literally. too complex, too complicated.
im forcing myself to pick up the mask and wear it on everyday for the sake of continue living as a human. hah. ridiculous.

im not the only person, there's lotsa people out there who same like me, having the same situation i undergo.but sometimes i feel it's so unfair, i dont want me myself to be like that. there's people says it's so wonderful that god had give them the power which will never get by the others. but i dont want it. i dont appreciate and im not saying thank you. But it was too late. way far too late. blame urself JJ. for what have u done in the past.

my friend told me, should ever feel satisfy in any thing i've done.
i know. and yeah, im trying my best to change it, just that i found out i just couldn't.
i lied. so many times. this is not a real me. im so guilty for what i've done.
i cant find my enthusiasm and fondness for life.but im telling myself it's not end of the world. tho i really hope the end of the world would happen and boomboompow in the end of 2012.

i just want to live a good life, a normal life, a happy life. that's it.
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but i found there's positive side of it. it really works in boosting myself to get back my enthusiasm. i scare to face the reality and the fact. i should really charge my confident up to the top. i willing to learn. and i want to take the challenges for the sake to live a better life hahas. JJ look at urself!! see with ur eyes! do with ur own hands!! FIGHT JJ!! u are who u are !! =)

- GO AWAY ENVY-NESS I HATE YOU.
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packing up my feeling to welcome the 2nd Sem hallelujah, i dont like u either, but i will try to love u. (: