unexpected

I've joined my school's choir, Voice Ensemble aka NYPVE since last year.
literally, i was dragged into this club by a senior.
it looks fun by its appearance but once i got into the club, O-M-G.
the atmosphere is so gloomy so thick so tensed, so ghostly, so quiet, everyone is apart, was craving for air for quite sometimes.

yes, was lucky enough to pass the audition. but hell at the first i dont even know how to read the jumping notes the music notes the tempos the ff mf mp p pp ppp!!! and once u get any of them wrong, u can feel the creepy aura coming out from the conductor. he can blind u by staring into ur eyes and good in stabbing people with words. the stress and overload tense-ness of the sectionals made me to skip the practices intentionally. telling lies and making excuses to escape from the hell-like practice room.
and that made up my 1st semester of the year.

starting from 2nd semester, i get my track back to the club. and i realized that it was not that bad actually. frequent attendance is the key. learning learning and learning, from conductor, from seniors, from friends and from mistakes. the annual concert was troublesome but through that i bonded with others, and finally get myself a position in the club. unexpected. and i was chosen to become the leader of my section. how ridiculous. literally, i mean LITERALLY, i cant sing. i always sing the wrong pitch, i don't know to read the music notes, i don't know how to sing using diaphragm, i don't know how to count the tempos, a lot of i-don't-knows. and THERE'S SOMEONE BETTER THAN ME, ALOT BETTER. i just cant get it. =( i should start putting efforts to learn it. remember all the score sheets, guide the newcomers without any wrong pitches. how stress.

i don't feel my fond toward it. i feel lost. after all im just doing something i dont really wish to. but that's Capricon. i should start changing my own self. start believing. jiayous JJ.