我变了

She told me that she wants to have some private talk with me, for quite a moment ago.

I was very surprise, because usually she don't bother, about me.
But what i seen through her eyes, they're filled with curiosity, worry, and.... a little bit of concern.

She always did, i mean to care about others. 

"You changed a lot. It's not the old JJ I've known like last time..."

Wow. Did I? Is it good or bad? in what sense?

I started question myself. 

I could tell she knows a lot, her sense is incredible.

but she's trying to hide it. and i chose not to reveal it.

"The old JJ was noisy, but not as, how to say..."cincai", or "diao er lang dang".....

but now u seem to behave that way, like you don't care what people talks about you....

and u don't take them serious. 

I DON'T LIKE. 

I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT."

In term of fashion, my expressions or may be the way i walk my paths, they're different.

i know myself, it's been there. may be after i came Singapore and I've been through things, 

I've grown up a little bit. Damn, she's right. 

I am acting very weird and slovenly.

What actually made me changed so much? People change themselves gradually, steadily. 

But me, i changed just in a snap, Drastically. 

I won't feel that if she never mention about that.

Many things happened. Many things changed me.

Things that happened around me, my friends, and my family.

I decided to take a step forward.
I just don't to stay at my old ground,

waiting for the apple to drop from the sky.

Yes, I might be a little bit selfish, always do what i want to be, what i want things to be.

But i torn back, i chose not to care so much. 

i mean, sometimes i should have do it, but i just don't feel like doing them. 

I can do them better, but it's troublesome, tiring. So why should I?

 (see? selfish, lazy.)

I learnt something from the lesson today.

"What is ur goal? What are the things that always want to try but the fear is there pulling you from that, even just effing give a try."

There are so much to list out. uncountable. a lot of I-Wants. 

but I am missing one point. i am missing the most important one.

It's there but

I CANT FIGURE IT OUT.

i checked back what I want myself to be....

it's all about me me me. so what's so wrong about it?

it's my goal for the sake of improving myself anyway.

i "WHY ARE U HERE?"

"WHAT ARE THE VALUES?"

"WHY ARE U DOING THAT?"

flashback. 

Inspiration. i need them, to guide me the way.

She told me about her friends, her family, on what had happened to them...

and what she did.

I was astonished. and yes, i was touched.

Not just doing it them hard and that's them.

NO.

there are so much of things u can learn!!! from them.

"THINGS HAPPENED FOR A REASON"

so true. very.

I need to "re-organize" myself. again.

I'm not giving up this fight.

Lastly I want to thank you here.

Thank you so much.

thank you so much for the approach.

thank you for sharing your stories.

thank you for reminding me.

thank you.

I shall move on.